The Hinge Between “Not Now” and “Not Ever”

There is a doorway in our mind we travel through when we decide that “not now” has become “not ever”.   For some of us this phenomena can appear like a revolving door as we age and opportunities of youth have been lost or cast aside.   We bring the threshold into sight when we choose to use the phrases, “maybe in the future”, “perhaps another time” or “when I’m better prepared”.   Sometimes we don’t even realize what we’re pushing aside, it just appears to be the path of least resistance at the time.

What We Might Miss

Every time we put someone or something aside we miss an opportunity.  This is especially true when what we push aside is because of fear.  We might be afraid of failure when we put something aside, or fear of rejection when we put someone aside.    What’s funny is we can rationalize every decision we make.   “There’s not enough time” or,   “It’s not my priority right now”.   However we convince ourselves, we have to accept we may have lost an opportunity.   As our bodies age we can’t recapture the speed or endurance of our youth.   As our mind becomes fuller we can’t recapture our youthful innocence.    As the clock ticks we can’t step back in time.   I am acutely aware of conversations I’ve missed, of faces I haven’t seen, and of plans not completed.   The more I think about some of them, the closer I sometimes feel to stepping through the doorway to “not ever”

Lubricating the Hinges Of A New Door

Now that I’m firmly entrenched in my “Third Age” it’s easy to believe that “not ever” will become more of my reality and a larger percentage of my world.  While I get that, I’m not ready to accept it.  What if I closed the door to “not ever” in my life and stood in the doorway of a new category called  “what’s next”.  Yes, physically I may not have the speed or endurance I once had, however, I can focus my energies to get physically stronger.  I also have the luxury of available time that was much more elusive in my youth.  Combine that with my life experience and I can find a way to successfully face any physical challenge.

While I might not have a youthful innocence, I can feel that same excitement when I share time with a young person.  There is nothing more contagious than hearing a child’s laughter and seeing their smile.  When it comes from a place of pure joy there’s no way I can’t be swept up in the feeling.  I’d like to think there will be an endless supply of “what’s next” in my life.  That’s the doorway that beckons me.  I hope you find the same doorway in your life.